Mental Health In America

I have many hobbies, one of them is reading. As with most working parents, I don't always put as much time into my hobbies as I used to.  That's probably why it took me almost two months to finish my recent book.  I highly recommend everyone reads Stephanie Giese's memoir, All I Never Knowed.  Since finishing her book, I want to reflect some more.

I'm a pediatrician. I have been called (yes I feel this is truly a vocation) to care for children and to be their advocate.  Some may think I mostly give shots, treat colds and ear infections, and make sure children are growing appropriately.  Those things are only a small part of my job.  Especially during the COVID pandemic, I feel more and more like a psychiatrist and therapist too.  I have families tell me, they've been waiting 3-4 months to see a therapist.  I have families tell me they took their child to the crisis center because their child's mental health deteriorated while waiting for therapy and they started performing self-harm.  I have families wait in the emergency room for days waiting for an inpatient psychiatric bed to open.  I have families tell me they agree they should see a psychiatrist but none accepts their insurance.  I have families tell me they found a therapist or psychiatrist, but they can't afford the self-pay rate.  Receiving treatment for mental illness shouldn't be this hard.

And now let's talk about the school system for a little.  These thoughts are not directed towards teachers.  I have not met a single teacher who doesn't want his or her students to succeed.  Tell me why our current educational model waits for students to fail before they investigate the need for special education?  Tell me why parents have to fight tooth and nail to get a child a 504 plan?  Tell me why schools receive funding based on standardized tests scores and not the social-emotional well being of the students?  And guess what!?!  Having a child fail in school, especially when it could be prevented with the proper accommodations and remediation, increases the rates of mental illness!!!

I honestly thought I had more to write, but I'm tired.  And I'm getting more angry as I think about the broken system, so that's it for now.  Go read Steph's book and keep fighting the good fight!

Neck Pain and Headaches

Earlier this week while getting ready for work and school, our daughter told us my outfit looks better without my neck brace.  I gently told her, it might, but my headaches and neck pain at much better when I wear the brace. It was learning moment that it’s not always about appearances.  

Have you ever heard someone say, I never realized how much I couldn’t see until I got glasses?  I feel the same way about my neck.  The chronic knots I have in my upper trapezius muscles have basically disappeared.  I still get headaches, but they’re less, and honestly, I can concentrate better. 

Tonight we celebrated my cousin’s wedding. I honestly didn’t want to answer questions about my neck brace, so I didn’t wear it. Other days, I’m generally wearing my brace 90 minutes on and 30 minutes off.  Tonight once I reached three hours, I felt the neck muscles starting to fatigue, by about 3.5 hours the headache was there.  I’m functioning and now I’m laying supine to decompress and ice my head and neck.  I know I could have stayed longer at the wedding, but we’re seeing family again tomorrow. I’m learning to tell myself I don’t have to push through. I know I’d be miserable and moody if I stayed longer. So instead, I left a little early and will see them again tomorrow.  

Friday Night Outings

Today was a rough day.  I took a mile walk yesterday.   Today my back is hurting so much.  And I had a very emotionally draining day at work.  I came home and laid on the heating pad for a little bit, now I'm here journaling and I'm about to log back into work.  What sucks, is my daughter wants me with her at her school's carnival.  I want to be there and I hate that my body needs to be home.  I hate that I have no energy to do things on Friday nights anymore.  And honestly, if I didn't realize I forgot to send in a prescription, I'd still be in bed on the heating pad right now.

How COVID helped me identify my hEDS.

Well hello there!!!

It's been over 5 years since I've posted on here.  As expected, a lot has happened, but I will not recap all in this post.  I'm coming back as I need a place to type out my thoughts.

On May 13, 2021, I was officially diagnosed with hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.  I say officially, because I kind of self diagnosed myself based on the 2017 criteria, but I wanted a physician other than myself to diagnosis it. 

Since I have last posted, the world has been experiencing a pandemic.  I remember sitting in medical school, attending a lecture on avian flu and fearing if it became a pandemic we would run out of ventilators.  Well, it's not avian flu, but sars-CoV-2 that is using up our ventilators.  I could go on about the pandemic and my thoughts on American society's response to it, but that's for another day.

Ok, so since my last post 5 years ago, I had some significant hip pain.  Long story short, I had a right hip labral reconstruction with the IT band of a cadaver and some bones shaved down in my hip.  That was December 2019.  Then by summer 2020 when I started doing yoga again, I was having thumb pain so badly it was waking me up at night.  August 2020 I was diagnosed with thumb joint CMC subluxation.  I was told to brace it and it would get better when I hit menopause.  I was 36.  

Let's fast forward a couple of months.  I referred myself to occupational therapy for my thumb, stopped doing yoga, kept trying to focus on my hip PT, and then, thankfully, the scientific community developed a vaccine to help prevent severe infection from sars-CoV-2.  After my first dose of my Moderna vaccine I had a horrible headache for a week.  I felt like I could hardly hold my head up.  I also learned a dear patient tragically passed away at this time.  I contributed my headache to my grief and not being able to sleep thinking about losing a child so young.  A couple of weeks later I had my second dose of the Moderna vaccine.  After my second dose I had the same headache, but this time I also had horrible TMJ spasms that lasted about 6 weeks.  I also felt unstable in every joint that ever bothered me.  I remember laying in bed, trying to tell my body if I fell asleep my TMJ pain, headache, hip pain, thumb pain, back pain, ankle pain, and calf pain would feel better.  It was that night I realized, "this isn't normal, you need to figure it out."  I had been toying with the idea I had a hypermobility disorder for a couple of months.  My astute physical therapist brought up that I was hypermobile in almost every joint, and then I found a podcast about labral tears in hypermobile individuals and things started falling in place.  I am currently still figuring out how EDS and it's comorbidies are affecting me, but I feel like I'm finally in a place (and with a great EDS specialist) to put the pieces to together.  I'm also figuring out how to accept I have a chronic illness and to give myself grace that I cannot work as many hours as I expected, be a mom and wife, and take care of myself too.

Looking back, I see multiple times other physicians may have been able to identify signs of my hEDS, but honestly, I think they probably didn't know enough about it.  If I knew I had hEDS, the only thing I probably would have changed is my exercise.  I wouldn't have done hot yoga after my long runs while training for half-marathons.  I can't help but think about all of the micro tears I gave myself during those years.  I'm also making it my goal to help identify hypermobility disorders in my patients earlier than identified in me.  I also can't help but wonder if the COVID vaccine caused an MCAS flare, would I still think I was just clumsy and prone to injury and joint pain? It's weird how the world works.

Oh, and yes, I'd still get my covid vaccines! 

I did it! 13.1 Miles!

About ten miles in.

Last weekend I completed my second half marathon.  I'm not going to lie, this meant more to me than just running 13.1 miles.  A couple of months ago I saw one of my family members sign up for the OC Maryland Island to Island 1/2.  I saw the date was in April 2016.  At that time I was still breastfeeding my son, working full time, and of course being a mom and wife.  I learned from my first child that I didn't have the will power to commit to running while breastfeeding and pumping.  My goal was to breastfeed Andrew until he was a year old, so that meant January 2016.  I breast fed Andrew until about March, but I started getting back to working out and training around February, so an OK amount of time!  And little did I know, that when I signed up, I was going to have two co-workers out on maternity leave around the time I needed to be training for this 1/2.  I didn't do the best training, I could have tried to do more speed work, I could have done more cross training, but I did the best I could with the time I had. 

I was feeling it here! Can't you tell?

Crossing the finish line for me wasn't about just finishing 13.1 miles running, it was about celebrating me breastfeeding my second child for over a year and celebrating me finding the motivation to get myself back in shape.  I shared my body with my son for over a year between breastfeeding and pregnancy, now it's my turn to have my body back.  It's time for me to continue showing my children how to live an active life.  Running has also helped me to embrace my new post-baby body.  I actually gained 5 pounds once I started running again!  There will be a time where I'm ready to lose these 20 pounds I'm still holding onto since before becoming pregnant with Andrew, but it's not right now.  Right now I run for me, not to lose weight.

As a freshman in high school I tried out for soccer, but I didn't make the team.  The cross country team was willing to take on new members, so I thought I would give it a try.  I was never the fastest runner, and I was always ok with.  I continued with cross country and track the rest of high school.  I never knew what I gift it was not to make the soccer team and to learn the joy of running.  It hasn't been easy getting back to running after taking off for over a year, but I knew it would get better, and it has!  Exercise soothes my soul.

I finished in less then 2.5 hours, my goal!  It wasn't easy, my legs hurt, but when that happened, I ran with my heart.  This run was for me!

As an added bonus, hubby did the 1/2 marathon too! Joe says we distance runners are a special kind of crazy.  He's probably right. 

Love him!

 I signed up for another 1/2 marathon in September.  I think I developed peroneal tendonitis from increasing my distance too quickly, so my goal is to do more cross training the month of May and pick up more miles come June.  We'll see how it goes!

Happy Birthday!

Photo by Jenni Combs

Ok, so life with two kids is exhausting.  My heart is so full, though.  Andrew has definitely experienced 2nd child syndrome.  As you can see, the last update I did was over 8 months ago!

Well, this past Tuesday our baby boy turned 1!

He currently has 8 teeth, four on the top and four on the bottom!

He can say dada, mama, hi, and hello.  He waves bye and blows kisses.

He sleeps through the night and takes about two naps a day.

His favorite things are taking a bath and playing with his older sister.  Man, you should see him dart across the room as soon as he hears the water turn on!

His favorite foods are ham and yogurt.  He shows us he's done by throwing all of his food on the floor, and he hates to wear bibs! (Probably because he wants a bath!)

He's not yet walking, but he's cruising and gets into everything.  One of his nicknames is "Andrew the Destruct-or!"  No joke, you should see how fast a tidy basement can be covered with toys.  He's even pulled all of Bri's clothes from her drawers.

He currently weighs 22 pounds, 7 ounces.  He hasn't had his 12 month check up yet, so I'm not sure on the length (and I forgot to check when I had him at my office this week).

And we're still breastfeeding! I made it to 12 months breastfeeding!  I had to supplement more with him than with big sister, but ultimately, he's had breast milk every day of his life.  I'm pretty darn proud of that.  Now to wean from the pump!

I can't wait to see what this next year has in store.

Photo by Jenni Combs.

4 Months Old!

Good thing we had another kiddo or I don't think this blog would have any posts!

Well, I've been back to work about 2 months now.  I think we have a routine.  For now at least, I'm sure it will change in another month or two.

Andrew has officially graduated to 6 month clothing.  At his 4 month check up he was 13lbs 14 ounces and 26 inches long!  He's eating about 5 ounces every 2.5-3 hours.  I haven't quite been able to keep up with him and pumping, so he gets a formula bottle about once every other day.  I'm ok with that.  When I'm home he eats about every 2 hours.  He's finally in size 2 diapers.  I should have switched him a little earlier, but I wanted to us up all of my size ones.

He's still working on his sleep.  He does about a 5-6 hour stretch, then every 2-3 hours.  I had two nights in a row where he slept 8-9 hours.  I had hoped that was a trend of good things to come, but nope, it was just a tease.

Andrew is doing great with tummy time, and likes watching us.  He can roll from his belly to his back.

Other than eating, I think Andrew's favorite thing to do is kick.  We'll put him in the vibrating chair and he'll just kick, kick, kick.  He also loves to eat his fingers!  I don't feel anything teeth yet, but the drool has certainly increased!

I'm glad Andrew is the second child, he does not like being by himself!  We'll walk out of the room and he'll start crying until someone comes back in to talk to him.  Bri's getting more talkative with him and is starting to understand the concept of "gentle" a little better.

And, I know the statistics aren't in our favor to have 2 blue eyed babies, but his eyes are still blue!