I did it! 13.1 Miles!

About ten miles in.

Last weekend I completed my second half marathon.  I'm not going to lie, this meant more to me than just running 13.1 miles.  A couple of months ago I saw one of my family members sign up for the OC Maryland Island to Island 1/2.  I saw the date was in April 2016.  At that time I was still breastfeeding my son, working full time, and of course being a mom and wife.  I learned from my first child that I didn't have the will power to commit to running while breastfeeding and pumping.  My goal was to breastfeed Andrew until he was a year old, so that meant January 2016.  I breast fed Andrew until about March, but I started getting back to working out and training around February, so an OK amount of time!  And little did I know, that when I signed up, I was going to have two co-workers out on maternity leave around the time I needed to be training for this 1/2.  I didn't do the best training, I could have tried to do more speed work, I could have done more cross training, but I did the best I could with the time I had. 

I was feeling it here! Can't you tell?

Crossing the finish line for me wasn't about just finishing 13.1 miles running, it was about celebrating me breastfeeding my second child for over a year and celebrating me finding the motivation to get myself back in shape.  I shared my body with my son for over a year between breastfeeding and pregnancy, now it's my turn to have my body back.  It's time for me to continue showing my children how to live an active life.  Running has also helped me to embrace my new post-baby body.  I actually gained 5 pounds once I started running again!  There will be a time where I'm ready to lose these 20 pounds I'm still holding onto since before becoming pregnant with Andrew, but it's not right now.  Right now I run for me, not to lose weight.

As a freshman in high school I tried out for soccer, but I didn't make the team.  The cross country team was willing to take on new members, so I thought I would give it a try.  I was never the fastest runner, and I was always ok with.  I continued with cross country and track the rest of high school.  I never knew what I gift it was not to make the soccer team and to learn the joy of running.  It hasn't been easy getting back to running after taking off for over a year, but I knew it would get better, and it has!  Exercise soothes my soul.

I finished in less then 2.5 hours, my goal!  It wasn't easy, my legs hurt, but when that happened, I ran with my heart.  This run was for me!

As an added bonus, hubby did the 1/2 marathon too! Joe says we distance runners are a special kind of crazy.  He's probably right. 

Love him!

 I signed up for another 1/2 marathon in September.  I think I developed peroneal tendonitis from increasing my distance too quickly, so my goal is to do more cross training the month of May and pick up more miles come June.  We'll see how it goes!

Stress Eating

I hate stress eating.  I hate that I know that I'm stress eating and I still do.  I'm still trying to pin point exactly why I'm stressed, but now I feel like I'm starting to stress about my eating, which is a vicious cycle.

I miss feeling fit and healthy.  I know I need to work out.  I need to make time to do it and stop finding excuses.

I miss feeling a part of a faith community.  I need to get my butt back in church.

I miss the longer days.  I truly feel like I have seasonal affective disorder.  I keep saying maybe I should try a light but never try it.

Those are the major things on my mind right now.

I also miss sleeping in, but that's just a whine, not a real stressor.

Race for the Cure 2013

This past Sunday was Baltimore's Race for the Cure.  I initially didn't sign up because I'm taking the pediatric boards tomorrow and thought I would be studying.  I realized I needed some time to relax and wanted to support my family, so off we went!  This is the first 5K I fully ran in probably 3-4 years.  It wasn't a great finish time, but I ran it!

Mom, Dad and Bri did the one mile family walk.  I am so happy to say that Mom is almost one year cancer free now!  She has a couple more founds of Herceptin and then she'll get her port out and be done :)

10 and 11 Months!!!

 Look at my little ham at 10 months old!!

Now above at 11 months old!!

I love being a momma.  Baby girl however, loves every thing I do, so I find my self only being able to get on the lap top after she's gone to bed.  By the time I'm finished checking my email, I don't have time for blogging.  That's ok, I'd much rather be with my family.

As a bonus, today was my last day of residency!!

But back to R2D2.  She loves getting into everything!  Around 10 months, her favorite toy was stacking rings.  Now a days, her favorite toy is playing with stacking cups.  She also loves anything with music.  She'll dance to anything, but she really starts rocking to music from the 60's and 70's.

Baby girl is cruising along.  I keep thinking she'll take her first steps any day now, but that's been my thought for 4 weeks now...  She gets around so quickly crawling that I don't think she's in any rush to walk.

She's finally sleeping through the night!!!  She wakes up anywhere between 5-6am, but I'm still able to get several consecutive hours, so that's great!  Perhaps we'll be able to get her bed time to 7:30-8p and then she'll sleep a little longer...we'll see.

I'm happy to say I'm going to meet my goal of breastfeeding for a year.  Other than momma's milk, she loves basically all foods!

I weighed her on our scale last week and she's about 23 pounds!  To think I was worried about her being underweight.  I'm hoping this weight gain slows down...

In terms of my weight, yeah, I'm not quite back to pre-pregnancy weight yet.  I'm about 5 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm ok with that.  I need to get back on cutting out desserts and sugars, but I'm not going to go crazy.  Now that residency is over I'm kicking up my working out and if I lose weight with that, great, if not, as long as I start get to more toned again, I'm good with that.

R2D2's eyes are still blue, I think it's safe to say she's our blonde haired, blue-eyed babe!

Bad habits

Sometimes being an adult is rough and I don't have the best coping mechanisms. I miss the innocence of being a child and not knowing what's going on. There are some health concerns in my family right now. I'm also back to working 60-80 hour weeks. I'm trying not to get stressed, but its hard. I have not made or found the time to work out and the past two days I've been finding myself turning to food to help ease my stress. I must stop this, because then I just feel worse. I know I'm tired. I know I don't have much time, but I must commit to exercising when I feel stressed instead of turning to ice cream. It's easy to use R2D2 as an excuse, but I'm stronger than that.

Body Funk

Ok, yes I know I just had a baby about 6 weeks ago, but ugh; I'm feeling so frumpy.  At about two weeks post partum I was only about 5 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  Then I started doing some light exercise and I swear I gained weight.  Right now I feel like I'm always hungry.  I'm fluctuating between 7-9 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight.  Being 6 weeks out from giving birth, I know that's still good.  The thing is, I'm not feeling sexy or beautiful.  It probably doesn't help that I live in spandex or elastic waist bands.  While I can button my pre-pregnancy jeans, they're not comfortable.  I don't even want to talk about my shorts and how they don't fit.  See, the thing is, I had gained a little weight before getting pregnant and was just, and I mean just, fitting into my jeans and last summer I was dealing with my miscarriage, so I don't think I fit into my shorts then either.  Now that I'm even a couple more pounds heavier, my bottoms really don't fit well at all.  I sprung and bought a pair of jeans and a pair of shorts in the next size up.  They fit me, but I'm still coming to grips with the fact that I'm a size larger.  I shouldn't beat myself up about it though.  I'm breast feeding so I'm trying not to diet.  Heck, I hate dieting.  However, the past two weeks I have seriously overindulged in dessert.  I think that's truly why I'm feeling ugh.  I go back to work in one week, so I think I'm also doing some stress eating.  I don't like that I do that, but I do and at least I recognize it.  Here's to embracing my new size and trying to go back to eating fruit instead of ice cream!

Post Partum Body Aches

People may have mentioned it, but I don't remember ever being warned about how much my body would ache after labor.  Postpartum day one, oh my goodness, I could not get over how much my back hurt and shoulders ached from pushing.  I mean it makes sense, I think I used every muscle in my body, but I wasn't expecting it.  The next couple of days, I felt my body realigning and found myself using different butt and leg muscles, making more soreness.  Our bodies are wonderful things.

Then I started breastfeeding.  Despite trying to prop her up, I still found myself slouched over.  This slouching over just continued the cycle of aching shoulders.  A couple of years ago I purchased a microwave heat neck pad from The Ferris Wheels on Etsy.  It has come in quite handy and definitely helps relieve my shoulder/neck aches.  I high recommend it, just be sure not to use it when actually holding or breastfeeding your baby so she doesn't get burned.

I tried to stay active while pregnant.  I purchased Complete Pregnancy Fitness with Erin O'Brien and I'm glad I did.  The prenatal workout can be a little strenous if you're out of shape, but ultimately very good.  Right now I'm absolutely loving, and I mean loving, the postnatal work outs.  The post natal DVD has basic stretches you can do your first day back from the hospital.  After that, the DVD has three 15 minute workouts.  The first starts with teaching your muscle groups to refire properly and then goes from there.  I've done the first two workouts and they're just the right amount of workout for being so close to delivery.  They are helping my abs and focusing on the muscle groups that have been neglected, aka some butt muscles!  I haven't started any cardio workouts yet.


So, if you're postpartum or about to be, these are two must haves, in my opinion!

Pre pregnancy jeans!

I have a little muffin top, but I still buttoned them! I'm 12 days post partum. The tummy skin is still really loose and since I'm just chilling at home today, I'm going back to elastic, but it's refreshing to know my body is shrinking back. I started doing some very light exercising and it feels do good to be able to take deep breaths again.

Pregnancy weight

I'm having a fat day. I know, I know, I'm pregnant. See the thing is, I'm 2 pounds away from my heaviest weight I was before my disordered eating and difficult teenage years. I always knew I'd see this number again when I was pregnant, but that still doesn't mean I like it.

I've also been craving lots of sweets. Towards the beginning of my pregnancy I was hardly gaining weight. The docs suggested I eat more often , and I did. Now I'm gaining weight too quickly. Overall I'm eating balanced, but I want dessert every night. That's what is hurting me, not my afternoon fruit.

Of course I know I'm growing a baby, but I also need to be healthier about it. If my current rate of weight gain keeps up, I'll be over the recommended 25-35 pounds. I'm hoping that admitting to the Internet world that I don't heed daily dessert will help me stop my daily dessert.

Let's try this again.

Back in April I tried to recommit to working out. I told myself if I worked out 3 times a week for 4 weeks I'd reward myself with a small gift. Well, I made it about 3 weeks and then I got a cold and was on call and found excuses. Now that I'm taking more photos of Winston, I realized I want a new camera lens. I was half tempted to dip into my savings and go and buy it, but I realized since I actually want this, I should use it as my reward for working out. So that's my goal. I may actually want a different lens, but I'll cross that bridge WHEN I get to four weeks in a row of working out. I've worked out twice already this week and have time tomorrow, so then hopefully I'll be 25% of the way done. I'm not looking to lose weight, just feel better about myself. I'm not going to lie, I had a spring in my step today and I think it's because I've been working out again.

Back to Disgusted...

At least once a year, if not twice, I reach the point where I just feel disgusted with my body. Well, the time has come again. The problem is, I'm not to the point where I have the motivation to do something about it. I tried committing myself to working out 3 times a week, but then I got sick and took off, so I'm out of sync again. I know I'm reaching for excuses, but I want to get my thyroid checked. I'm always tired and I truly think I experienced a bout of depression this winter. I'm also hesitant to actually go ask for blood work because then I find out for sure it's my diet and lack of exercise that has brought me back to this point. I have to find the motivation to do something soon, or I'll have to go buy new clothes. I used to use working out as an aid to my love of sweets and baking, but I just haven't made the time. I had time tonight, but my knee was truly sore and swollen. I took the easy way out and gardened instead. I can keep finding excuses, but I need to stop. I need to get rid of this sugar craving and be more aware if I'm eating emotionally. Regardless, I think I need to stop baking and pick up one of my other hobbies.

Work Out Commitment

It's hard to believe in high school I used to work out at least 2 hours a day for 5 days a week. Yes, I felt amazingly fit, but I know adult schedules just can't incorporate that commitment right now.

Up until I started residency, I was pretty good with doing some form of activity at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week. Residency sucked all energy out of me, well at first. I feel like I've adapted to the hours better now, and my body's craving physical activity. I'm realistic and realize I can't do as much as I used to, but I want to/need to do at least something.

Yesterday I decided to make a goal to work out 3 times a week over the next 4 weeks. It's hard to believe that means only 12 workouts, or approximately 6 hours of my life for the next four weeks. I've tried this before, and haven't been very successful, so I'm going to give myself a reward. I haven't decided what I want my reward to be. I'm thinking about a piece of Belleek Pottery or a new fun apron. I don't want to buy a new cooking tool because then I'll be tempted to use it and I'm trying not to gorge on sweets, and I'm sure that's what I'd make.

Hopefully posting this will make me more accountable.

To the Point of Feeling Disgusted

I try not to blog too much about my weight. I feel America focuses on weight too much and it is ridiculous how big of an industry weight-loss and exercise programs are. I feel there are so many other things on which to focus, I don’t want to concentrate on my weight. I’ve done that for too many years of my life already. That being said, this weekend I realized I feel disgusted with myself. Having gone through years of therapy to help develop a better food relationship, I always hate when I come to this point. I feel I try to eat a balanced array of foods and have my desserts in moderation. Yes, my moderation may be more indulgent than others, but I’ve been fine with that. I never expect to go back to the 123 pounds I was when I was my sickest, but I want my pants to fit again. Unfortunately, this is how my weigh-loss eating habits work. I kind of let myself go for a couple of months until I feel so disgusted I find my way back on track.

This weekend I traveled to Baltimore. Unfortunately, my trips to our hometown often involve way too much food. Right now I’m sitting in the airport uncomfortable because my jeans are too tight. It wouldn’t be so bad if these are my skinny jeans, but they’re not. I’ve really fallen off on working out diligently and I admit, I’ve been having a dessert almost every night.

So, this week, I’m going to start eating better again. I fear the word “diet,” so that’s not what I’m going to do. I need to stop eating desserts every night and feeling stuffed with almost every meal.

Before I started college, I lost 10-15 pounds to make room for the “freshman fifteen.” I’m only about 17 pounds more than that right now and that was 8 years ago, so I guess that’s not too bad. However, with the same frame of mind, I feel like I need to lose some weight now to make room for my intern year weight. I’m not hoping or expecting to gain weight intern year, but the fact of the matter is I likely will. When I’m at the hospital 80 hours a week, my workout time definitely will be compromised.

I Took a Pregnancy Test...

...and I'm not pregnant. I really didn't think I was. I have been really hungry lately and when I stepped on the scale this morning I really wanted a reason for my weight gain. Yeah, it's called poor eating habits and less working out. I think I'll go back to sparkpeople.com and try that again. I used to be so good with moderation. I like to blame married life, but that's just trying to put the blame on someone/something and not take the responsibility myself. Oh how I wish food didn't have calories or the stuff that tastes so good wasn't so damn bad for me.