Mental Health In America

I have many hobbies, one of them is reading. As with most working parents, I don't always put as much time into my hobbies as I used to.  That's probably why it took me almost two months to finish my recent book.  I highly recommend everyone reads Stephanie Giese's memoir, All I Never Knowed.  Since finishing her book, I want to reflect some more.

I'm a pediatrician. I have been called (yes I feel this is truly a vocation) to care for children and to be their advocate.  Some may think I mostly give shots, treat colds and ear infections, and make sure children are growing appropriately.  Those things are only a small part of my job.  Especially during the COVID pandemic, I feel more and more like a psychiatrist and therapist too.  I have families tell me, they've been waiting 3-4 months to see a therapist.  I have families tell me they took their child to the crisis center because their child's mental health deteriorated while waiting for therapy and they started performing self-harm.  I have families wait in the emergency room for days waiting for an inpatient psychiatric bed to open.  I have families tell me they agree they should see a psychiatrist but none accepts their insurance.  I have families tell me they found a therapist or psychiatrist, but they can't afford the self-pay rate.  Receiving treatment for mental illness shouldn't be this hard.

And now let's talk about the school system for a little.  These thoughts are not directed towards teachers.  I have not met a single teacher who doesn't want his or her students to succeed.  Tell me why our current educational model waits for students to fail before they investigate the need for special education?  Tell me why parents have to fight tooth and nail to get a child a 504 plan?  Tell me why schools receive funding based on standardized tests scores and not the social-emotional well being of the students?  And guess what!?!  Having a child fail in school, especially when it could be prevented with the proper accommodations and remediation, increases the rates of mental illness!!!

I honestly thought I had more to write, but I'm tired.  And I'm getting more angry as I think about the broken system, so that's it for now.  Go read Steph's book and keep fighting the good fight!

Neck Pain and Headaches

Earlier this week while getting ready for work and school, our daughter told us my outfit looks better without my neck brace.  I gently told her, it might, but my headaches and neck pain at much better when I wear the brace. It was learning moment that it’s not always about appearances.  

Have you ever heard someone say, I never realized how much I couldn’t see until I got glasses?  I feel the same way about my neck.  The chronic knots I have in my upper trapezius muscles have basically disappeared.  I still get headaches, but they’re less, and honestly, I can concentrate better. 

Tonight we celebrated my cousin’s wedding. I honestly didn’t want to answer questions about my neck brace, so I didn’t wear it. Other days, I’m generally wearing my brace 90 minutes on and 30 minutes off.  Tonight once I reached three hours, I felt the neck muscles starting to fatigue, by about 3.5 hours the headache was there.  I’m functioning and now I’m laying supine to decompress and ice my head and neck.  I know I could have stayed longer at the wedding, but we’re seeing family again tomorrow. I’m learning to tell myself I don’t have to push through. I know I’d be miserable and moody if I stayed longer. So instead, I left a little early and will see them again tomorrow.  

Friday Night Outings

Today was a rough day.  I took a mile walk yesterday.   Today my back is hurting so much.  And I had a very emotionally draining day at work.  I came home and laid on the heating pad for a little bit, now I'm here journaling and I'm about to log back into work.  What sucks, is my daughter wants me with her at her school's carnival.  I want to be there and I hate that my body needs to be home.  I hate that I have no energy to do things on Friday nights anymore.  And honestly, if I didn't realize I forgot to send in a prescription, I'd still be in bed on the heating pad right now.

How COVID helped me identify my hEDS.

Well hello there!!!

It's been over 5 years since I've posted on here.  As expected, a lot has happened, but I will not recap all in this post.  I'm coming back as I need a place to type out my thoughts.

On May 13, 2021, I was officially diagnosed with hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.  I say officially, because I kind of self diagnosed myself based on the 2017 criteria, but I wanted a physician other than myself to diagnosis it. 

Since I have last posted, the world has been experiencing a pandemic.  I remember sitting in medical school, attending a lecture on avian flu and fearing if it became a pandemic we would run out of ventilators.  Well, it's not avian flu, but sars-CoV-2 that is using up our ventilators.  I could go on about the pandemic and my thoughts on American society's response to it, but that's for another day.

Ok, so since my last post 5 years ago, I had some significant hip pain.  Long story short, I had a right hip labral reconstruction with the IT band of a cadaver and some bones shaved down in my hip.  That was December 2019.  Then by summer 2020 when I started doing yoga again, I was having thumb pain so badly it was waking me up at night.  August 2020 I was diagnosed with thumb joint CMC subluxation.  I was told to brace it and it would get better when I hit menopause.  I was 36.  

Let's fast forward a couple of months.  I referred myself to occupational therapy for my thumb, stopped doing yoga, kept trying to focus on my hip PT, and then, thankfully, the scientific community developed a vaccine to help prevent severe infection from sars-CoV-2.  After my first dose of my Moderna vaccine I had a horrible headache for a week.  I felt like I could hardly hold my head up.  I also learned a dear patient tragically passed away at this time.  I contributed my headache to my grief and not being able to sleep thinking about losing a child so young.  A couple of weeks later I had my second dose of the Moderna vaccine.  After my second dose I had the same headache, but this time I also had horrible TMJ spasms that lasted about 6 weeks.  I also felt unstable in every joint that ever bothered me.  I remember laying in bed, trying to tell my body if I fell asleep my TMJ pain, headache, hip pain, thumb pain, back pain, ankle pain, and calf pain would feel better.  It was that night I realized, "this isn't normal, you need to figure it out."  I had been toying with the idea I had a hypermobility disorder for a couple of months.  My astute physical therapist brought up that I was hypermobile in almost every joint, and then I found a podcast about labral tears in hypermobile individuals and things started falling in place.  I am currently still figuring out how EDS and it's comorbidies are affecting me, but I feel like I'm finally in a place (and with a great EDS specialist) to put the pieces to together.  I'm also figuring out how to accept I have a chronic illness and to give myself grace that I cannot work as many hours as I expected, be a mom and wife, and take care of myself too.

Looking back, I see multiple times other physicians may have been able to identify signs of my hEDS, but honestly, I think they probably didn't know enough about it.  If I knew I had hEDS, the only thing I probably would have changed is my exercise.  I wouldn't have done hot yoga after my long runs while training for half-marathons.  I can't help but think about all of the micro tears I gave myself during those years.  I'm also making it my goal to help identify hypermobility disorders in my patients earlier than identified in me.  I also can't help but wonder if the COVID vaccine caused an MCAS flare, would I still think I was just clumsy and prone to injury and joint pain? It's weird how the world works.

Oh, and yes, I'd still get my covid vaccines!