Truth be told, I'm absolutely miserable this month. I'm not cut out for critical care, the patients are just too sick for me and even if when we treat this acute flare up, the chronic disease continues. I'm working almost 80 hours a week. I have no time to study. I have no time to work out. I'm constantly rushed through meals to continue working. I'm almost too tired to make healthy meals. Right now my life is the complete opposite of the types of lives we encourage our patients to live. Tell me, how does that make sense?
I think what makes me more frustrated is this month's rotation is an indication of what residency is going to be like (ok, last month was more similar to residency-like conditions, this month is just crazy) so I'm dreading it. I'm starting to learn about the things I want and don't want in my residency program, I'm just not sure I'm qualified enough and have the scores to be too picky. Sigh.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Here Kitty Kitty
It made it up to 60 degrees out here today! I took advantage of the great weather and headed outside, camera in hand. I found this cat weaving through the flower displays. It wouldn't sit long enough to get many shots or let me be too creative, oh well.
An Irish Country Doctor
I just finished An Irish Country Doctor and it was quite an enjoyable read. What could appeal to me more than a book about a doctor in Ireland? I really loved how the main character was a doc right out of school and the book explored how he dealt with older docs cutting the corners, building the trust of rural patients, and establishing how he's going going to practice medicine. While I'm making it sound heavy, it's really not, I just really related to the book. If you're looking for a quick enjoyable read, I'd definitely check this one out. It's by Patrick Taylor, a doctor himself.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Crappy Wedding Portraits...
Putting it simply, of all the vendors with whom I worked for the wedding, I'm least pleased with my photographer. I won't go into specifics here, because I'm just down right tired of dealing with unedited "edited" photos and his poor customer service. I know church light is difficult, but I'm so hoping my editing makes our group photo look better.
Before: 
After: 
So, the walls are now white instead of orange. How'd I do it? Picnik.com has a teeth whiting feature, well instead of whitening the teeth, I whitened the walls. Let's hope this one prints better. Oh! and what makes me more frustrated is now that I'm picking up photography as a hobby I found out our photographer could have prevented this by using manual white balance on his camera. GRRR!!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
First Death of a Patient...
..is about to occur in the next day or two for me. It hit me today how quickly patients can take a turn for the worst. Yesterday one of my patients was awake, oriented, and happily talking about her family and daily life. I came in this morning, less than 12 hours later, and she's intubated, on the ventilator, and sedated. I was shocked. Yes she's old and has a history of lung disease, but she looked so good last night. Her likely diagnosis that brought her into the hospital had a poor prognosis, but not as poor as what I walked into.
What really got to me today was talking to the family. She has 8 children, 6 of whom were there today. Our attending took them to a conference room, sat them down, and discussed the poor prognosis and the limited options. It tore me up seeing the family coming to terms with what they already knew and asking for time for the other siblings to get into town. But on top of that as much as I wanted to think about our patient, all I could think about was my grandmother and her death. Like this patient, Mom-mom had 8 children, 5 of them were there when the doctors told my family a very similar prognosis and a 6th child tried his darnest to make it to town in time. I wasn't at the hospital when Mom-mom passed, but today I saw the emotions that my mom and her siblings likely experienced. My classmate asked the results of the meeting when we came out and I couldn't answer him for a good 30 minutes. I had to remind myself this wasn't Mom-mom and detach myself from the similarities of this family and my family before I could talk about it. In terms of my patient, it comforts me that she is 2 decades older than my grandmother was, has been suffering for decades, expressed her wishes to her children, and she's truly ready for the peace of Heaven. I'm not quite sure if Mom-mom was ready for death; I know her family wasn't.
Other things I learned from this experience:
1. There must be a more serene room to tell family members about likely death than an unused patient room with file cabinets, extra chairs, a table, and a sign on the outside that says "conference room."
2. Hospitals need to invest in softer tissues. I felt so bad handing the family members tissues that just chafed my nose when I had my cold.
3. There's no easy way to deliver bad news, but there are tactful and sympathetic ways and my attending was a great example today
I definitely learned more, but that's enough commentary from me.
What really got to me today was talking to the family. She has 8 children, 6 of whom were there today. Our attending took them to a conference room, sat them down, and discussed the poor prognosis and the limited options. It tore me up seeing the family coming to terms with what they already knew and asking for time for the other siblings to get into town. But on top of that as much as I wanted to think about our patient, all I could think about was my grandmother and her death. Like this patient, Mom-mom had 8 children, 5 of them were there when the doctors told my family a very similar prognosis and a 6th child tried his darnest to make it to town in time. I wasn't at the hospital when Mom-mom passed, but today I saw the emotions that my mom and her siblings likely experienced. My classmate asked the results of the meeting when we came out and I couldn't answer him for a good 30 minutes. I had to remind myself this wasn't Mom-mom and detach myself from the similarities of this family and my family before I could talk about it. In terms of my patient, it comforts me that she is 2 decades older than my grandmother was, has been suffering for decades, expressed her wishes to her children, and she's truly ready for the peace of Heaven. I'm not quite sure if Mom-mom was ready for death; I know her family wasn't.
Other things I learned from this experience:
1. There must be a more serene room to tell family members about likely death than an unused patient room with file cabinets, extra chairs, a table, and a sign on the outside that says "conference room."
2. Hospitals need to invest in softer tissues. I felt so bad handing the family members tissues that just chafed my nose when I had my cold.
3. There's no easy way to deliver bad news, but there are tactful and sympathetic ways and my attending was a great example today
I definitely learned more, but that's enough commentary from me.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
If I were a wedding photographer...
I'd stop using figurines and try these lighting effects with real people. Oh well. I guess I have to stick with my cake topper, lol.
Ben and Jerry's One Cheesecake Brownie...eh
Last night I decided to splurge and get some ice cream. I deviated from my normal cookie dough and tried B&J's cheesecake brownie. Not for me. The ice cream is cheesecake flavored and way way too sweet for me. Yes, I know, hard to believe. It didn't really taste like cheesecake though, more like "I wanna be cheesecake, but I'll always be ice cream." Oh well. Should have gotten the cookie dough.
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