Sunday, October 7, 2012

The difference a year makes

People tell you being a mom is unlike anything you've ever experienced before.  While I certainly listened to them, it didn't set in until I actually became a mom.  Seeing my baby girl look up and smile at me truly brought tears to my eyes today.  I have friends who have experienced losses and friends who are having difficulty getting pregnant.  I look at our daughter and hope these friends can experience this unconditional love too.

I've written before that I feel like I'm a mom to two children.  I think I would be in awe of our daughter even if I hadn't experienced a loss, but having experienced one, I know I appreciate our gift that much more.

When R2D2 gets old enough to understand, I imagine I'll tell her about my miscarriage (decades from now).  She and her sibling are connected.  I had my positive pregnancy test on June 10, 2011, unplanned, R2D2's baby shower was June 10, 2012.  R2D2 was born July 17, 2012, my D&C was July 18, 2011.  I hope one day to give R2D2 a living sibling, but unknown to her, she already has one.  So, while I will always grieve our little one that was never born, I'll love R2D2 that much more and be thankful for every day I have with her.

(This post also stems from being back to work and seeing terminally ill children and not even wanting to imagining what those parents are experiencing).


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