Confession Time

I really haven't had much time to blog lately, but I have lots of random thoughts...

1. I like alone time. Having spent the last 4 years in Nebraska, I'm not used to socializing a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but sometimes I'm a little socially exhausted. This weekend I decided I'm not driving to Baltimore. I love my family and friends, but I'm tired of making the drive every weekend. Honestly, this will be the first weekend since we moved into our apartment at the end of May that I've spent both weekend nights sleeping in my bed. Today I did a little retail therapy, grocery shopping, and now I'm getting ready to curl up with a book.

2. I don't handle death well. Sometimes I think I'm a delayed griever. I'm still in denial that Mr. Joe has passed. I feel guilty for not making a bigger effort to spend time with my mother in law. I don't know what to say when Joe says he misses his dad. I try to be there for Joe, but I want to give him his dad back and I know I can't. I'm missing a lot of my passed family members right now.

3. I need to stop taking work home. I spend at least 60 hours a week at the hospital. Since we have electronic medical records, I can access the charts at home. I'm often checking on my patients before I go to bed every night. I know some may say that's good, but it's also taking me away from spending time with Joe.

4. I only made dinner once this week. Tomorrow I'm going to try to make some meals ahead of time so that I have food pretty much ready when I get home from work this week.

5. I'm tired of this apartment. I think I'd like the apartment a little more if we moved all of our stuff in, but I feel like we're in limbo--we're still living out of our suitcases. Originally Joe and I thought we'd like to stay in Delaware when I finish my residency, but we're realizing we'd like to be even closer to our family. We don't know where we'll be able to find jobs 3 years from now, but we're pretty sure we want to move to a suburb of Baltimore. So, do we buy or rent? Joe wants to buy, I'm indecisive. I'm worried that we won't be able to sell our place in three years, but I also prefer to start investing in a house. We're going to look into closing costs, etc a little more closely. Actually, I'm hoping Joe will do that since work's been so busy with me.

6. I've been thinking about my faith a lot. I need to stop being so lazy about it. I'm going to force myself to get up and go to a service tomorrow. I think I'm going to give a Lutheran church a try.

7. I've fallen off the work out van again. I'm going to start making it a goal to do something 3 times a week again. I feel so much better about myself when I do.

8. I want a new left leg. It's been a year since my knee surgery and it still hurts. I know I haven't been a good patient with my PT exercises, but I was hoping I wouldn't have to do them forever. I just want to be able to work out how I want. I also want my left arch to improve, that's my new theory-- my arch is causing non-symmetrical calf muscles and leading to knee pain.

9. I sound like a whiny little girl tonight. That's all for my rambling. I can't promise I'll get back into regular blogging anytime soon, unfortunately.