17 Weeks.

I have plenty of recipes I've made before becoming pregnant, but I just haven't felt like blogging about them much. So for those who aren't fans of hearing about pregnancy, I apologize ahead of time for the next several months.

I always love seeing other people's bumps grow, so here ya go.

Hubby took my 17 week picture and he made me laugh, "you might look like you actually have a bump if you pull your shirt down." Overall, I agree, I'm not really looking pregnant, especially when I wear normal shirts. I'm having a pants dilemma. I'm 5'10", so I should have known finding tall maternity pants at a REASONABLE price would be difficult. I've tried the Bella Band, but it takes away my pockets and I don't quite feel comfortable leaving my zipper undone. I have a feeling I'll be wearing a lot of dresses, especially once it gets warmer. I have a shipment coming in from Gap, so we'll see. I feel like JCP decreased their tall maternity selection with the new price plan they rolled out. This weekend I wore an maternity top with my maternity jeans, that's really the only time I think I've looked pregnant. Comparing the weeks, I do see I've grown, but it still mostly looks like I've eaten too much.

Overall, I'm feeling great. I'm tired on the days I have to work over 24 hours straight, but isn't everyone? Last week I thought I felt the baby move. I'm still having a hard time deciding if I'm feeling gas bubbles or the baby.

February 14th.

Many people associate February 14th as a day for lovers. I've never been very big on Valentine's day. I don't need Hallmark to tell me what day of the year I can express my love to Joe and others. This year February 14th was a day of reflection. See, if I hadn't suffered a miscarriage, my due date would have been February 14th. I've come a long way from when I first discovered that pregnancy wasn't meant to be, but that pregnancy was when I first truly started feeling like a mom. I loved that little baby as soon as I found out we were pregnant. I know I didn't get very far in my pregnancy, but I truly believe a woman starts feeling like she is a mother from the very start of the pregnancy. I think I will always feel as if I had one more child than we have. Knowing that we are pregnant again with little R2D2 made the day easier, but even this pregnancy isn't guaranteed. It's hard being a pediatric resident and passing an L&D room of a woman delivering an intrauterine fetal demise as I walk to the room of a woman delivering a term baby. It's difficult seeing babies in the NICU and knowing exactly what a 24-week baby has ahead of them. Knowledge is scary. It makes me scared. I welcome every week of this pregnancy and try to push those thoughts to the back of my mind and try to enjoy this experience. I'm not going to lie, having already lost one baby makes it even harder.

How do you do it?

Throughout residency I've had to do multiple 24 hour (or more) calls, but the ICU calls are the worst. The acuity is higher and there really isn't much, or sometimes any, down time. Last night I had a lovely 28 hour call, and I mean that quite sarcastically. As I walked around the unit in a slight delirium at 3am, some of the nurses asked, "So how do you do it?" [in regards to my long shift.] I replied honestly, "it's what I have to do." It sucks, there is no doubt about it. I want to be a pediatrician and the only way to get there is to do a residency. Residency hours suck. I don't feel that working 28 hours straight makes me stronger or smarter. I think medical training needs a major remodel, but that's a whole political agenda and financially dilemma. In the mean time, I'm continue to occasionally whine about some of the sucky things about residency.

Homeownership...

Decisions, decisions. For the last couple of weeks, I've been thinking about a babymoon in the Caribbean. The prices were more than I wanted to spend and so I started thinking about taking a trip to Florida instead. Then, the past couple of days we've been talking about our list of house projects. Now I'm torn. I want a remodeled bathroom. It would cost about the same as the trip we were thinking about. We can go to the beach with a baby. I really want the wall paper gone and Joe really wants a new vanity. My gut is going with doing house projects. Joe thinks I should sleep on it before making a decision, and he's right. And this practicality and love of our house is why we still haven't gone on a honeymoon...

Matched

Matched by Ally Condie

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

If you're not tired of dystopian society, this is definitely an enjoyable book. I really enjoyed the characters and I'm looking forward to seeing where the series goes.

View all my reviews

First Bump Photo

Here's a comparison at 4 and 14 weeks. I can't really notice a difference. I feel like my bottom lookers fuller at 14 weeks, but more of a "I'm not working out full." I couldn't zip a pair of my jeans today, so I guess I truly am expanding.

Oh, and yes this wall paper has to go. I thought about working on it this weekend...

Meet R2D2

Joe and I are excited to announce we're expecting again! I'm due August 4th, 2012. I didn't like calling the baby it, so we've nick named my womb R2D2. I now have an R2D2 keychain, too.

This photo is from our 1st trimester screen. I'm not going to lie, having a miscarriage changed the beginning excitement of pregnancy. I don't think I really let myself start to get excited until our ultrasound last week when I was 12.5 weeks. My body never showed my signs my baby wasn't growing the first time, so I was fearful that would be the case again. I had had two ultrasounds prior to this one and heard the heartbeat on doppler, but that was still earlier in my pregnancy.

So, want to hear my BFP story? After my miscarriage, I jokingly said to Joe, "I hope we're pregnant again by Christmas." Joe responded, "I give you until Thanksgiving." So, despite not expecting my period for another 4-5 days, Thanksgiving morning I took a test. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought it was too early to get a BFP and also didn't want it to be a false positive. I proceeded to take two more tests, and another each day for the next 5 days or so. I was excited, but instantly fearful at the same time. We were hosting Thanksgiving, and it was tough for us to keep it quiet. Last time we told our parents the day we found out and while I knew if I had/have another miscarriage I'll need my family, we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a little bit. I think I lasted about a week.

I officially enter the 2nd trimester tomorrow. I'm still quite nervous and I know we're not in the clear, but I'm trying to enjoy this time in our lives. I think I'll feel more comfortable when I can start feeling the baby move. I'm getting a small pudge, but it looks more like I've eaten too many cookies. I'm looking forward to this new journey in our lives and I hope things continue to go well.

Also, maybe I'll start posting more now that I'm out of the first trimester...