Monday, January 26, 2009

"Dating is setting you up for divorce; courtship prepares for marriage"

I recently heard something along those lines on TV and I just want to put my two cents on the matter. I so hardheartedly disagree!!! I could have misheard the guy, but still... So what I think he was saying was that people go into dating with the expectation that this relationship may not be "the one" and when you determine it's not "the one" you're teaching yourself how to separate from a person dear to you and all the emotions you shared. On top of that, you may have been intimate with the person and then "spoiled" yourself for your "true mate."

Ok, my thoughts on dating and heart break. I'll be the first to admit I don't have the most experience in break-ups and heartache since Joe and I started dating when I was 16, but...I was in 1 serious relationship and several minor ones before Joe. Through that 1 serious relationship I didn't only learn how to deal with heartbreak, I learned tons about myself and how I deal with things. I learned who I can turn to as a friend and how my mother can also great source of relationship advice. I learned I can't believe everything someone says. I learned how I deal with being lied to and how to love a person not in my family. Honestly, do I regret that relationship? No. Am I glad that he's not the one I married, hell yes! Am I going to discourage my kids from dating. No way in hell. I hope they are smart about it and yes, it's going to break my heart when I see my child crying over a guy or girl, but I'll know that heartbreak will make them explore facets of themselves that I as a parent can not force them to explore. People can love their friends, people can love their families, and people can love someone they met on the streets, but that's not unconditional and takes more work. Only dating can teach them how to deal with conditional love and the efforts, compromises, and communication it takes to make it work while giving them a sense of ownership and independence.

Does any of that make sense?


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