Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I hear you God

I've been going through what I call a faith crisis for the past year or so. For months now I've felt I need to get back to my religion and work on my faith. It hasn't happened. On a interview last week, a physician saw I was involved in the Catholic Medical Association and our conversation led to suggestions to help me resolve my faith crisis. Tonight I was at applicant dinner for different program and had a wonderful discussion with another applicant about our faith, what it means to be Catholic, etc. I went to the dinner with the purpose to learn more about the program. Ends up, I randomly sat next to another Catholic and we randomly started talking about our faith. I've heard of moments when people feel God is calling them or pointing them in a particular direction. Right now, I feel God is screaming at me. Not a reprimanding scream, but a "obviously you couldn't hear my whispers, so I guess I have to get louder to show you I miss you" scream.

After having this random discussion with the fellow applicant tonight I realized part of what I'm missing in my faith life. Up until medical school, I was involved in faith-based groups outside of Mass on Sundays. These groups provided time for discussion, service, activities, etc. Mass was just an added benefit. Without the faith discussion with my peers, I feel distant, almost lost. I discovered more about myself and my faith through campus ministry than I have in Mass. Now I'm left with Mass and I think since Mass wasn't filling my faith void, I stopped going. Unfortunately, this left with no outlet (other than my actions and profession) to practice my faith.

I've been thinking my answer to resolving my faith crisis is finding my way back to Mass, but tonight I think I discovered that's not it. I need to find my way back to opportunities to discuss my faith with my peers. Hopefully, after that I'll be able to find my way back to Mass as well.


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