I Used to be Religious

I started to write a long post, but then I realized I think I just need to get my thoughts out quick and dirty.

I can't remember the last time I went to church.

I like to blame my religious decline on the fact that my husband doesn't go to church, but I know it's really not that...I went by myself for years.

I envy two of my dearest friends who have a confidence in their faith that I once had but lost.

I still consider myself Catholic, but I truly wish women had a more active role in the church and I do not like the Church's history. I never felt left out of the Catholic Church as a female until the most recent Conclave to elect Pope Benedict and I realized not a single female had a vote.

I've thought about trying services at different denominations, but each Sunday comes around and I still don't go. For some reason, I don't think switching denominations is my answer. I need to look at religion as what it is today, not the horrors it brought to people in the past. The Crusades and Salem Witch Trials are over, but who's to say something like that won't ever happen again? Religion has done a lot of good, but it's also caused too many deaths to mention and very narrow mindsets. I need to stop focusing on the negative aspects of religion and start finding the beauty in it again.

I miss my faith and the strength I'd find in it. Another dear friend always says, "faith takes work." I haven't been putting the work in, I know. I keep waiting for a major revelation and perhaps I need to get out of my PJ's and go back to church to get it. And who knows, perhaps I truly do need to look into a different denomination.

Any comments, readings, suggestions, criticism, etc appreciated.