Sunday, September 6, 2009

First Interview Invite

Today I received my first official invite to interview for a pediatric residency. You would think I'd be excited as all heck, but really, I think it just makes me more nervous about the whole residency process and the fact that I'm going to be responsible for peoples' lives in less than a year. I'm not sure if I'm ready for the mayhem of interview season. The complete opposite of medical school, only one program to which I applied is within driving distance for interviews, the rest will require flights back East. Looking at this realistically, I'll probably be spending most of December at my parents' and borrowing a car to drive to interviews. This will definitely save on plane tickets, but I like my home here. It's where Joe is and where all of my belongings are. That aside, interviews do not mean acceptance. I can absolutely love a program, but depending on how they rank me, depends on if I have a chance of matching. I like to tell myself I'm not a control-freak, but let's face it, I am. I like adventures, but it makes me slightly anxious to have no idea where Joe and I will be living one year from now.

The process of becoming a doctor also has this way of making me question all of my abilities and strengths. I'll be the first to admit that in high school and college, I was a big fish in a small pond. I never questioned my intelligence and ability to conquer the world. And then I went to medical school. Don't get me wrong, I know making it this far in medical school is not an easy task and something of which I should be proud. I am, but I finally experienced what it was like to be a small fish in a big pond. I never really had to worry about earning passing grades until medical school. The fact of the matter, med school has broken me down a little. I've lost the girl who never questioned her intelligence and felt she knew the answer to everything. Wow. I've never really admitted this before. The thing is, I know that I know the information and I know that if I don't, I'm capable of learning and retaining it. So, part of my journey during this interview season is to reclaim my "big fish in small pond" attitude because I'll definitely need it once I start my residency.

So, now that I experienced that cathartic post and have probably bored you to no end, you're probably wondering from where I received this interview invite. Right now I'm thinking I don't want to post that information on here just in case programs stumble across this blog. Perhaps I'll change my mind, we'll see. Either way, it's not a secret, so if you know me and you'd like to know, just shoot me an email.


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